Being together, being alone:
A practice of being courageous, putting lots, lots of effort in things and doing (ideally) everything I do with hearth.
This EVS for me can be pretty good summoned up if I say it was a lot about searching for balance between being together and being alone. I will start with my ride into foreign city.
On the early morning when I arrived to this weird and cute Autogara Beta, I brought with me excitement, curiosity, hope, fear and worries. First three I felt towards people from Minte Forte and project that is waiting here for me, last two were due to me being in a city so far in the east. In contradiction to my beliefs I was worrying somewhere deep inside of me that objectively not valuable but to me very dear belongings of mine will get stolen, and that I will get raped by an energetic, wild, dark eastern man while walking alone in this foreign city. After first days in Cluj those fears were gone (or saved in lighter form for places eastern from Cluj) I was starting to be integrated in the country, city and Minte Forte. The project and Minte Forte people took care for basics I need apartment (with my own room!) was waiting for me, I got help to arrange documents that I needed for living here, every month I get bus ticket, some food money and pocket money. I started to be integrated into knowledge and empathy of Minte Forte people as well.
The most time I was spending in the community of us four EVS volunteers living together in our apartment. For example, small memory about us four from last autumn in Bucharest: We went to have a picnic in the park, after dividing the missions of who will go to search for which kind of food in which corner of that giant supermarket. I will get fruits, Cécile cheese, Pepe bread, Christina cookies When we were sitting in the park with all our treats in the middle on the ground, I cant remember exactly, and I hate to put people in boxes but still I do this many times Cécile probably started a discussion about who would win if a turtle and a penguin have started a fight, Pepe was singing his hearth out and playing the guitar and Christina was amazed by the pure existence of the human mind and body. Im very glad that over those eight months we established commons that we are taking care of them together. Some happened as a result of many passionate and long conversations, others quite spontaneously over time of getting to know each other.
My cooking in the shared kitchen and understanding my cooking in comparison to cooking of my three roommates gave me some good and funny insights. I cook in our big pots, quite large amounts of food and I have a need to offer it to others. I think my primary expression of love and gratefulness for life is sharing food, some times not really tasty food, food mostly prepared in the manner of Oh, which good vegetables do I have from the market and would be appealing to me if I put them together now?, food that keeps you warm and strong.
And then there is cooking a lot of food, in big pots for sharing it with other human beings as an act of acknowledgement of common humanity. I can see my cooking influenced by periods when my ancestors were sustaining them selves just with there own farming and experienced hunger many times that is were having and sharing food as a primary expression of love and gratefulness for life is coming from. Latter ones were living in a period of Yugoslavian socialism where the spirit of we are all sisters and brothers was very present and that is where cooking a lot of food in large pots is coming from because you never know who will come by in the time of lunch, and if not we can eat it tomorrow. And then in this is mixed a lot of etiquette how food should be shared, obligations, my polite manners and so on. When encountering other kinds of food sharing in our apartment I tried to be very aware of all those elements when experiencing feelings of being surprised, shocked, disappointed, inspired, moved, uncomfortable. And yes, my cooking changed, was influenced by practices of sharing that I was inspired by or that I discovered in the time of us four living together. The tone of sharing food out of giving from the hearth got a lot of emphasis in this time.
Part of my work in the project was creating and facilitating cycles of psychosocial workshops in the manner of non-formal education for children and teenagers in school. Pfuuu… Where to start? There was so much! I got so much from this… Beginning was of course difficult me not really knowing what I can give to pairs of curious eyes looking at me in the classroom. Even though I studied, psychology, and anthropology, and had trainings at the beginning of the project I was standing in front of them in the role of a kind of teacher that will lead them in getting to know themselves better with all my weaknesses, fears and characteristics I am ashamed of. During the process I was experiencing their curiosity, playfulness, attention and learnt about their interests, imagined their struggles, tried to understand parts of what they are experiencing in their lives. All this gave me ideas of which questions I want to transmit to them for them being more aware of their identities, emotions and ways of relating to others. And at the same time it started to be difficult in the new way because I was realizing the importance of having objectives for workshops – in for each workshop searching for the objectives in chosen topic, that will be covering participants interests and needs and putting the right amount of mine and my cofacilitators knowledge and beliefs in the objective; and in searching and creating fun, reflection provoking, inspiring, engaging activities to guide pairs of eyes towards the objective. A lot of experimentation, mistakes, laughter, insights, new ideas, small successes and shifts happened in this process. They are very dear to me.
With them I started to have an influence on others in public sphere. Discovered that I could contribute if I continue that or similar work and that I want to continue it.
For the most of the time I was creating and facilitating activities with my coworkers. That made it easier – sitting down together with another person brought more ideas, sometimes solutions to my problems, jokes, good times together, better understanding of myself, joy, support, sharing of responsibilities. And it made it more difficult as well – it brought misunderstanding, anger, conflicts to solve. While the project with my coworkers we learnt about and gave a try to expressing unpleasant emotions we felt while process of coworking, understanding the needs in which they are rooted, giving each other a lot of empathy and clearly requesting from the other what would help me right now to be able to cowork more satisfyingly. My first tries were clumsy, made some people cry, others were surprised or angry but I wish to continue to practice that kind of communication. My beliefs about what is good coworking changed my initial being quite strict and rigid in believing that my every coworking relationship has to be equal in giving and receiving knowledge, empathy, ideas, patience, creativity, time to/from each other into believing that in some I receive more of that from the other and in the others I give more because I have more resources that I am happy to give. Meanwhile the project I was also observing in my coworkers ways of thinking, creating and interacting with others that inspired me and I tried to learn those from them. They were good models of how to express yourself and still be open for the contribution of others, be punctual, very precise, daring, loving, openhearted, authentic and profound in your creations. Meeting them in work and free time created new worlds in me. They were present even before I arrived in Cluj but spending time with people here made them bigger and more elaborated.
I will finish here. Thank you for reading. I hope you got something for yourself in my writing.
Enjoy your summer.
Articol realizat de Zarja R.